A Tale of Taunting

My children taunt me.

They know when they are not supposed to do something. They know what irritates Mommy. f93592a01088caeddf80f3c1d055be38And somehow this makes that action even more enticing.

For example, my kids have an obsession with peanut butter. They hunt that jar down like it is candy. Holden is the retriever. He can find said jar, move any chair, and climb up and get the jar. He also always picks a knife as his utensil of choice to dig the peanut butter out with. He then shares with his brother. So sweet. I find them in different hiding places all over the house. Cuddled together with a jar of peanut butter and a knife.

I often think that my children really live a life envied by most men. Peeing outside, a woman to bring them drinks, and watching TV naked with a jar of peanut butter.

It is the good life.

Well one morning I decided to try and read in the other room while the kids watched their morning cartoons. I needed some time to just not be touched and figured it was so early, they had their drinks, and all would be well. I sat in quiet enjoying the quiet hum of their TV from afar.

It was glorious.

Until Holden came up to me to ask for something…

And he was covered in peanut butter.

It was all over his shirt and face.

WHERE IS HUDSY!?!

I ran to the family room and sure enough there was Hudsy, smiling, and covered in peanut butter. It was all over his head and torso. As a bonus, it was also all over the couch, pillows, and blankets.

Hudsy just smiled at me and offered me a bite off the knife. I didn’t even take a picture I was so horrified. Currently, I am still finding peanut butter smears around the family room. Suffice to say, the peanut butter jar now rests on top of the fridge.

In defense of Holden, King of peanut butter stealing and recon, the King of defiance with a smile is Hudsy.

The other day we were out in the backyard playing. I was on one side of the yard with Holden 60f18e24d9ec0c8247e2d94add98a98eand Hudsy was off in the distance on the other side. Hudsy starts to waving an object at me.

What is he waving?

I stare trying to adjust my eyes so I can see. The kid is smiling from ear to ear.

He slowly starts to put said object in his mouth than right before he puts it in he pulls it away and laughs. He repeats this again laughing the whole time. He actually looks pretty darn cute doing this, but what the heck is that he is holding?  That is when I realize what it is.

IT IS DOG POOP. MY CHILD IS TAUNTING ME WITH POOP.

He has eaten dog poop before so he knows this is a major “no no”.

And yet here he is waving his defiance in my face and stuffing his face full of dog poo.

I like to think this memory will always serve as an metaphor to what defiance really is. Doing what you’re not supposed to do, despite warnings, and really just hurting yourself by putting dog poop in your mouth. I will have to hold onto this gold nugget of wisdom for when the kids get older.

But for now, I wash mouths out with soap and pray against disease… And scrub peanut butter off every surface of my house.

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