Gym Tales

There are things in one’s life that you would prefer to avoid.

You know things like having toilet paper on your shoe while walking in public… or realizing too late that you can see through the shirt you’ve been wearing all day.

Normal things you know. Stuff you look out for. Walking out of a public bathroom… must check shoes. Looking into a mirror at outfit… oh my too scandalous!

Prevention. 

Then there are those things that happen that are so absurd they are beyond prevention. Things that you cannot prevent because who would ever think that that could happen to someone.

These things usually happen to me. 

Let me set the scene:

It is the week after New Years and the gym is PACKED. Top floor and bottom floor are both littered with sweaty human beings.

I am not one of those people that particularly likes being around a lot of people when I work out. I do not strut my stuff at the gym. I do not make eye contact. I just want to get in and get out.

Although I will say I do make a conscious effort to smile and keep my head up so I do not look like a miserable person, but overall I like to be invisible. 

When we get to the gym, Taylor (my hubby) and I split up for a bit. I take off to go upstairs and do some cardio. He wanders somewhere unbeknownst to me. We spend about thirty minutes a part. I walk across the gym, go upstairs, walk around, find a stair stepper… and do that for a bit.

When I am done with my cardio, I go downstairs to the weight section to find Taylor. We walk around the weight room while Taylor explains to me exercises we are going to do. After a bit we decide to do bench press. I go first. I sit down and pathetically attempt to do that exercise. When I am done I stand up and hear something that no one ever expects to hear while at the gym.

Taylor, in a completely monotone voice (he is all business at the gym), informs me: 

“Shelbi you have a diaper stuck to your butt.”

Silence. It takes a moment to register. I look around the room at all the people. I feel around and sure enough… there it is. A size 3 diaper.

Yes fellow humans. I strutted my stuff around the ENTIRE gym with a diaper stuck to my butt. AND NO ONE SAID ANYTHING TO ME.

That place was packed. 635740410979923048-482141722_i want to die

It’s not like a diaper is small. Not to mention my pants were black, and the diaper was white. I even used some of the machines with my butt facing the walkway and nothing… no heads up. No “Excuse me fellow Mom, but you have a diaper on your hind quarters.”

Nothing.

I can’t even care anymore.

So… Hey my name is Shelbi and in case you haven’t noticed I am a Mom who has kids in diapers.

#momlife

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New Year, New Me… Sorta

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With the new year upon us, I have been thinking a lot about transitions and New Year’s resolutions. I have some of the usual ones.

I want to be healthier this year. I want to be more organized.

But I do have one that is probably more unique to me as a mother.

I want to be a better morning person.

Why you ask? Because probably the greatest transition and irritation I have experienced as a Mother has revolved around me not getting to wake myself up in the morning. The top two reasons are as follows:

 a) Not being able to just wake up and be alone. I don’t want to be touched.

I just want coffee… Alone. In silence. I guess with my first I could do that, but with two now that has gone out the window. I often try to sit down with my coffee, but then something happens, like Holden sitting on top of his brother with a blanket or Hudson eating out of the trash can, and by the time I get to my hot beverage… it’s cold.

Coffee getting cold should be a mortal sin.

And B) I hate that children get to eat first.

I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but it is so difficult when you are starving and are about to demolish a huge plate of food… and then your baby cries.

Now instead of filling your empty tummy,  you are desperately figuring out how to regain precious silence this early in the morning. So you nurse him or spoon him food or wait on him like the Queen of Sheba. Do you want Fruit Loops or oatmeal Lord Master Baby? Don’t mind me, I don’t like food anyways.

Ok, I promise I don’t always feel this way, just when I am hangry (when you are so hungry you get angry easily) I get a  bit bitter that I have to play waitress before I eat. I know what everyone is thinking, “Why don’t you wake up earlier?” Well to answer your question, read back up to not being a morning person. I already get up to feed a baby at night, and I am up with them both at 6 am, so lessening my sleep by waking up early seems counterintuitive.

So this new year, on mornings I am not feeling it, I am going to take a deep breath, and say some thanks before I go get the kid yelling for me to release him from his cage. I will also just burn my taste buds off so that I won’t even notice what temperature my coffee is…

Or maybe I’ll just invest in a cup that keeps my coffee hot. 

 

P.S. I have figured out a solution that allows me to be alone with my coffee… it works pretty well.

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Happy New Year friends!

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