For me… that is everything revolving around my children’s bodily functions.
I just can’t.
The day I change my last diaper will be one of the best days of my life.
I write this after realizing that my toddler, who apparently clenches his bowels until he can unleash the apocolypse, has blown out of another diaper.
I swear to you the next baby shower I go to I am getting the new mom a Hazmat suit and a note saying “God be with you”.
This brings us to our story of the day. As I mentioned in my previous writing, we have just bought a house. We remodeled said house. The thing about fixing up a home is that you can become a little OCD about keeping it nice. I was at this point once. Now, I would just like my house to survive my children. I don’t ask for much.
So not even a week after the bleach incident, I had put Holden down for a nap. In this case silence was a good thing… or so I thought.
While I was enjoying some much needed peace and quiet with the baby downstairs, I decided that maybe I should just double check on Holden.
I walked upstairs to Holden’s room and slowly opened the door. I peered in. I saw a lump of blankets, but no Holden.
I lifted up the blankets. No Holden.
I looked on the other side of the bed. No Holden.
Since I was still traumatized from the previous week’s incident, I went into panic mode.
I ran to my room. No Holden.
I looked in my closet. No Holden.
I checked Hudsy’s room. No Holden.
There was only one place left to look, and that is when I saw it… the door to the boy’s bathroom was shut.
No. Just no.
I slowly walked over to the bathroom. Right before I opened the door, I stopped for a moment. I felt a strange sensation… on the bottom of my feet. It was squishy. It was soggy. It was wet carpet.
I was now standing on wet carpet. My NEW carpet was soaked.
GOD BLESS AMERICA. This is my nightmare.
I am just going to give it to you straight. Holden had flooded the bathroom and covered it in (now) wet toilet paper… but that is not even the best part. It seems he had ventured into the bathroom because he needed a diaper change. Let me take you through what I believed happened:
Holden apparently had had a bowel movement while he was “napping”, and had to decided to take care of it himself.
First, from what I can tell from the crime scene, he decided to stuff the toilet with toilet paper. Just enough to get it nice and clogged, because that’s what Mommy does right?
Then after he giddily flushed a clogged toilet multiple times, he decided to chuck more toilet paper around the room. ISN’T FLUSHING SO AWESOME!?
His next move was to climb up into the sink so that he could turn the water on and clean up.
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!
He obviously enjoyed this part immensely because this is where I found him. Diaper half off, feces not contained, toilet paper everywhere, and water flooding into my BRAND NEW CARPET.
I was speechless. Holden was not.
In a cutesy, giggly voice he tells me, “Mommy, I no go Nigh Nigh.”
Ya kid, I see that.