I recently was talking to my husband about all the things I think about when I go to the doctor.
It never ceases to amaze me how uncomplicated men’s thought lives are.
What women think about when they go to the doctor:
- Well I am here. Where is the pen to sign in?
- Oh how cute they put a flower on their pens!
- Wow the secretary lady has a cute family.
- I wonder how old her kids are? I wonder how old she is?
- Oh I am a little late… I think I will just round down.
- Where to sit? I think I will sit over here.. that way there is no one next to me.
- Hmm… I should read something.
- Seriously no People or US Weekly?
- Why do they only put out family mags and Sports Illustrated?
- Golf? There is an entire magazine devoted to golf?
- Oh Good Housekeeping… I guess it is better than nothing.
- Ooo… the food looks so good.
- I wonder if they are going to weigh me?
- I hate when they weigh me.
- I swear doctor’s offices rig their scales so they weigh people heavier.
- They want me to have a weight problem.
- Shoot. I wore boots. Will it be weird if I ask if I could take my boots off before they weigh me?
- Why did I eat so much beforehand?
- Seriously I should have worn shorts, flip flops, and a tank top.
- I probably can take away like 12 pounds due to the fact that I have eaten, I am wearing a ton of clothes, and their scale is probably broken.
- Time to go back.. it is the moment of truth.
- Screw it… I am totally taking my shoes off.
- Wow this is taking longer than I thought. I wonder if it is irritating her that I want my shoes off.
- I am never eating again. Seriously.
- I wonder if she is judging me? Should I say something?
- Well she isn’t the tiniest person either so she can’t judge me.
- Muscle weighs more than fat right?
- I think I will just put my shoes on in the room.
- I wonder if there are different sizes of blood pressure cuffs?
- Wow.. is my arm really that big?
- Good blood pressure and pulse. Thats right.. I may weigh a ton but I am healthy.
- Well time to wait 94804358 minutes for the doctor.
- Shoot I should have brought my magazine back here.
- Ahh.. this is taking too long.
- I wonder what they are talking about out there?
- I have never heard of half these drugs. I wonder if the doctor prescribes these exclusively.
- Why are they usually for birth control?
- Birth control reps do work.
- I wonder what is in these drawers?
- Maybe.. I will take a look.
- But what if they come in and catch me?
- Just one little peek…
- Oh hello doctor!
What men (according to my husband) think about when they go to the doctor:
- How long is this going to take?
- Oh magazine.. I will read… this one.
- Time to go back.
- Hmm.. cute nurse.
- Blank. Nada.
- This is going to take forever.
- Blank. Nada.
- Time for checkup. Finally.
My husband was in awe of my list.
“I forget you sign in. Wouldn’t occur to me to look at the receptionist’s pictures. I don’t think about the magazines. Forgot you get weighed. Might as well be a white room with nothing in it… a black hole really. You go in… sit down… he tells you you are healthy or not healthy… what to do… then you go home. Seriously a black hole for time… don’t even know how long I am there. I don’t think I could even come up with fifteen things.”