What is a sleepless night?

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I remember people telling me to “get all the sleep while you can” when I was pregnant because as I now know… sleep was about to become a luxury. It got kind of irritating because a) Do you really think I get good sleep being pregnant? and b) Oh yes let me save up all my extra sleep and put it in my sleep tank to use when the baby gets here.

But I digress.

When people talked about sleepless nights I guess I just pictured hearing my baby cry… rubbing my eyes.. floating out of bed in my nightgown… lovingly picking my child up… and nursing or gently rocking him back to sleep. You know with an angelic glow over both our faces. And maybe I would have to do this what… a couple times a night?

FALSE PREGNANT CHILDLESS SHELBI. FALSE.

This is what a sleepless night looks like:

12 am: BABY SCREAMS. Fall out of bed. Kick foot against furniture while fumbling for the light. Rock baby. Rocking not working… start nursing. Put baby back in crib.

1 am: Screams. Lay in bed praying to God baby will go back to bed. God doesn’t answer prayer. Sleep walk to Baby’s room. No rocking. Just want the crying to stop. Bring baby back to bed to nurse. Fall asleep with boob in baby’s mouth.

2 am: Baby starts to fuss next to you. Baby bites boob. Pain. Flip baby over to other side to nurse.

3 am: Baby is fussing again. You feel something wet. Great… Baby has peed through his diaper and you are both now laying in pee. Get up to get a new diaper. Come back and baby is sleeping… in his pee. Contemplate leaving baby and husband in bed and sleeping on couch. Decide against this and change baby’s diaper. Baby wakes up mid-change and starts screaming. MUST STOP SCREAMING. Find towel. Lay towel on bed over pee. Lay down again and nurse baby. You have no shame… Oh precious sleep.

4 am: Fussy baby again. Flip baby over to other side to nurse on your now raw nips.

5 am: Baby is awake. Baby wants to play. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED DOES THIS CHILD NOT SLEEP. Take baby out to living room to play in bouncer. Attempt to get some sleep on couch.

6 am: Baby is yelling at you. You lie on couch wide awake. You are awake in a “I give up on any happiness” kind of way. You make coffee. Go to pick baby up. Sit smiling, cute baby on your lap.

6:15 am: You notice something on your arm. What is it? It is Baby poop… this has got to be a joke. Check baby. Baby has had a poop explosion. HAVE MERCY IT IS LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF BACK THERE. Apparently Baby’s poop has a blast radius reaching all the way to Baby’s neck. Check bouncer. It is all over the bouncer too. POOP EVERYWHERE. You will never look at mustard the same way again.

6:30: Finish cleaning baby… changing baby… cleaning bouncer.

6:45: No choice but to start day.

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And the insane part is.. on my way to workouts after this sleepless night… I actually contemplated when Tay and I should try for another one. You would think this night alone would suffice in sterilizing me forever, but no.

And I couldn’t love the little man or love being a Mom more… even if I tried.  

 

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New Years Resolutions

Well I am back from my holiday break from blogging! The holidays were wonderful,  but I am very glad to be back to a normal schedule. When you have lots of relatives… and the first grandchild/baby/nephew/cousin… your social calendar during the holidays explodes. During this holiday season, I do not think one person said hello to me when I first walked in the door. My name is now ” Where is Holden?” or “Holden is here.” I am told I will lose more and more of my name and identity as my brood grows and my kids get older. Good thing I have no problem just being “Holden’s Mom”. 🙂

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I have lots to write about, but I figured since it is the beginning of the year I should probably write my New Years resolutions down.

So here it goes:

1. I will do my best not to cut in front of people in the car line. 

This is a resolution my husband will appreciate, but it is also one that makes me cringe. I swear he will wait in a mile long line… for what seems like forever… to get off an offramp. And I quote “We are not in any hurry“.

,jfghwd fgksadjghfkweJS OF COURSE WE ARE IN A HURRY.

A hurry to get out of this mind numbingly boring line.

Do these people know who I am?! I do not wait in lines.

You see… I am the person that creeps up as far as I can before the dotted line turns into a solid line. I usually find a truck or a minivan and pull right in front of them.  Oh and if someone tries to cut in front of me… even after I have cut in front of a whole line of people… I will speed up so that they can’t get in… DENIED.  Because you know.. they should wait in line. It is a paradox my husband has yet to understand.

I am basically trying to become a better person with this resolution. I figured I could try this “the whole world does not revolve around me” patience stuff… we shall see how it goes.

2. I will do my best to try and embrace football. Ugh.

This one is for my marriage. It is my greatest act of love.

Although in my defense, my lack of knowledge/indifference towards football has created some funny stories around our home. I also learn a lot through my ignorance. For example,  I guess referring to the goalposts as “those two yellow poles” is looked down upon.

Or this story:

While browsing the net I saw this meme-

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So being the inquisitive person that I am… I asked my darling hubby… Dearest, why isn’t Patterson a ProBowler ?

And in the middle of Tay’s explanation to me about why “unless you have a awesome year they only choose big names for the pro bowl… and football manly grunt blah blah blah…”

I realized…

We weren’t talking about a NFL player switching from football to becoming a professional bowler.

3. I will lose the rest of my baby weight.

So basically, at five months postpartum, I have lost the amount of weight most doctors recommend as the maximum  weight gain during pregnancy… and I still have a ways to go.

Apparently, during pregnancy, most people don’t gain the weight of a third grader, but hey… we are all different.

It makes me almost regret all those McDonalds chicken nuggets. 

Almost.

4. I am going to do my best to listen more than I speak. 

Pain and agony. This is another one of those resolutions that is supposedly going to make me a better person. A better friend. A better wife. A better human. You get the point.

It seems that my opinion is not always necessary.. nor always right.

But sometimes you just want to bang your head against the wall instead of listening to someone you don’t think is correct. Or maybe that is just me… (Am I sounding selfish and self absorbed yet?)

Or that burning desire in the pit of your tummy to prove you are right? To get your point across? I get that burn a lot. Prepare to be quenched self-righteous fire!

But humor aside… this really is my main resolution. I do not like running people over with what I think or talking over people or not really listening when someone else is talking. I don’t like how I feel when I do that, and I don’t like how I inevitably make the other person feel lesser when I do that. It is a habit I sometimes engage in that I would like to break. There is a time and place for everything. I want to get better at deciphering when the time to speak… and when the time to be silent…. is upon me.

5. Im not going to stress about Pinterest anymore. 

Holy Moly this is a big one for me. I know Pinterest is this awesome site where you can great ideas in a variety of areas, but since becoming a mother, it has given me serious anxiety. I began to look up ideas for saving memories of your baby and any baby related post I could find.

Bad Idea.

I started to stress about all the projects I needed to do for Holden. All the pictures. All the scrapbooks. All the memories. He is getting big so fast. I have to get his handprints every month. And his feet prints. I forgot to capture a memory. I didn’t write that memory down. I haven’t finished some of my scrpbooks. I am a terrible mother. Look at all these DIY baby projects I have not done. I NEED TO CAPTURE EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF HIM THAT I CAN.

Do I sound manic yet?

 

So in 2014, I am going to take a serious chill pill and enjoy moments with Holden and not stress about having five billion pictures of him all outlined, categorized, numbered, and summarized in my homemade DIY scrapbook that I made out of his recycled diapers.

I get a nervous twitch just thinking about it.

6. Holden has to sleep in his crib all night.

I am turning into the creepy mother from the “I’ll Love You Forever” book. I need to stop obsessing over my son. Holden has been sleeping the first part of the night in his crib for awhile and then just sleeping the second half of the night with us. I love to snuggle him and have him close. But as we inch up to the 6 month mark… it is time he sleeps the whole night in his bed. I am sadly coming to the realization that the little guy sleeps more soundly when he is not right next to me.

So now I stalk Holden at night to make sure he is breathing and well. How terrible that I even worry about that? He can hold his head up and pretty much crawl. He is going to be just fine.

And last but not least…

8. I am going to be present for my husband and my baby… not wrapped up in social media. 

I love Instagram. I love Facebook and blogging. But I have realized sometimes I quickly go to post a picture of a moment I am having with my baby or my hubby… when I should just be enjoying the moment. So this is what I am going to do… put down the phone and simply enjoy the moments of my simple, beautiful life!

So here is to a year of bettering oneself, growing closer to the Lord, laughter, and living in the moment! 

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