1. Germs? What are germs? Apparently they only effect your child… because if your baby is screaming and you drop that pacifier on the floor… who cares if it is in the middle of a Walmart aisle? You stick that puppy in your mouth, suck off those germs, and pop it back in the babe’s mouth. Ya you go super parent… you are invincible.
2. You contemplate whether or not you are going to wear your comfy yoga pants even though they have pee on them… or spit up.. or any unidentified stain. And I only say contemplate to appease the childless. Who are we kidding? They hardly smell. You are golden. Throw those babies on.
3. You have in fact thrown a towel over sheets that have been peed on because you are too tired to change them. Maybe you did not even throw on the towel… maybe you just scooted over until said pee spot dried… and then you rolled over.
4. You find yourself singing nursery rhymes and swaying back in forth in public. Alone.
And people hear you.
5. Shame is gone. GONE. Suddenly topics like hemorrhoids, tearing during childbirth, bodily function problems, and any horrific childbirth stories become great conversation starters. Who doesn’t want to talk to the lady who tore all the way from front to bottom over a nice glass of punch?
6. You and your husband give each other pep talks each night as you attempt to get your baby to sleep in his own crib.
7. You have matched your child’s cry in tone and volume.
8. You have obsessively checked your infants breathing… sometimes in intervals of ten minutes. You also obsessively check that the doors are locked each night. You check that the car seat is installed properly and that your babe has been strapped in properly. Every. Single. Time. In fact, you get anxious whenever your baby is with anyone else because you know they will not follow your obsessive safety routine.
And you can now relate to those suffering with OCD and anxiety disorders.
9. You actually find yourself enjoying doing monotonous things alone. Grocery store trip sans baby? Has Christmas come early?
10. When you wear your pants/shirt inside out or backwards and some well rested person mentions it to you… you resist the urge to give them the middle finger.
Feel free to add a few of your own in the comments!! 🙂