Ah…. the first workouts after having a baby… glorious. I mean who doesn’t like feeling like their pelvis is going to fall off every time they attempt to run? Or how about those nice and tender milk engorged chests smashed against the pavement as you will every part of your body to do a push up.
It is amazing to what lengths our vanity will take us. Ya Ya Ya… you want to feel healthy blah blah blah… ya me too… but I would also like to not feel like my tummy was a template for the design of Jabba the Hut. I would also like to get out of maternity pants sometime this century.
And so we endure the tortures of postpartum workouts.
As soon as I was given the go ahead to work out by my doctor I headed off to a fit camp run by a very wonderful couple who specialize in body pain. (I know this because they helped me drop over 20 pounds before my wedding.) Anyways, I showed up knowing I would probably have to take it easy.. cause you know.. I had just given birth six weeks ago so I might be a tad behind. I have always been athletic and I am a young mom… so how bad could it be?
It could be bad.
We did an excercise that required us to run around a sports park and whenever we came to these concrete planter boxes we would use them to do box jumps.
So I start the run.
I swear to you it felt like I was trying to run through mud. I couldn’t make my legs move as fast as I wanted to. I probably could have rolled to my destination faster than I could with my running ability. This was a completely surreal feeling because usually when I run slow it is because I am tired and lazy. But now.. my body was refusing to do what I told it to. Not to mention my lung capacity seemed to drop about 75% the moment I began my run aka slowest jog ever.
“Ok.. Ok.. it may take a bit to catch up,” I reason.
Now it is time to jump.
Other ladies have already begun their planter box jumps due to the fact that their legs actually listened to them. Being the competitor that I am, I figure I will do my box jumps as fast as I can to catch up with the others. I had done these before I was pregnant so I thought.. no sweat. The planter boxes aren’t even that high.. I will be fine.
The first jump I attempt my feet don’t even make it onto the top of the planter box, and my face almost smacks the concrete planter box as my body makes its way down. Completely embarassed at how pathetic I was and how clumsy I looked, I just mumbled to the lady next to me that I just had a baby… hoping she will understand.
This statement has now become my mantra.
They should have shirts that say “I just had a baby __ months ago” or “I promise I didn’t let myself go.. I just had a baby.” I think they would sell well.
I’d buy one.
On a sidenote:
I just want to take a moment to acknowledge the women who lose their baby weight quickly. You know the small petite ladies you see working out in their sports bras three months after pregnancy… or the ones who don’t have to work out at all. Ya.. the ones who announce two months later that their jeans fit. I have seen you. I know you actually do exist.
And I curse you. That is all.